Monday, April 14, 2014

My Nightmare

Here's a bit of worst case scenario planning.  What I fear would happen should my identity and sexual orientation become widely known in the same circles.

1) Loss of friends.
I'm an introvert who doesn't make friends easily.  I build my social relationships slowly over time, and invest deeply in every relationship I have.  If those friends reacted typically to the revelation that I am a pedophile, I can expect to have them all systematically reject me and cut me out of their lives.  Additionally, even the ones who might otherwise be sympathetic might cut me off for fear of how their continued association with me would make others see them. 

2) Loss of family support.
Being blood doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things.  Sure, they say you can't choose your family, but the fact of the matter is, family can disown you almost as easily as your friends can.  I've seen my family react to a child porn charge.  Admittedly, there were other negative feelings about that individual which pushed things over the edge, but I can't just pretend I didn't see what happened, and that I didn't hear the words they used when talking about the situation. 

3) Loss of employment.
Seriously, why would anyone willingly accept the public relations risk that comes with having a pedophile on staff, regardless of whether the job involves kids or not?  It doesn't even matter if the boss is personally prejudiced or not.  It's simple economics that unless what I can do is completely unique and indispensable, and the business will literally fold without me, I can't expect to have a job of any sort after this gets out. 

4) Loss of freedom.
It doesn't matter that I haven't molested a child.  Charges can be trumped up, and a jury will find it easy to believe any negative story told about me with my sexual orientation known.

5) Loss of life.
There are vigilantes who want me dead.  Some have openly expressed such a desire to me personally, with my safety being guaranteed by my anonymity and their incompetence at  finding me.  Others have simply expressed a desire to hurt or kill anyone like me they come across.  I am a socially acceptable target, and of course, any attempt I make to defend my own life will just lead back to worry number 4.

With these very real concerns, some of which I can see others living out in front of my eyes, it's a minor miracle that there have been three human beings in my life that I have deliberately trusted with this information, because I trust both their good intentions, and their competence.